#5 – The Hypocrisy of Spandex

April 24, 2008

Hey, people. Don’t worry, I’m looking into a blog site. Anyone have a recommendation?

Two weekends ago, we shot the exteriors for “Happy Man’s Pants,” that Northwestern film I told you about in my email #2 (if you’re new to my list and want to see it, let me know). So far I’ve had seven or eight full days of shooting on “Pants” and they’ve done another two or three with Hank Hilbert, the lead. The DP’s taken his time (to our chagrin occasionally, ahem) and it looks pretty fantastic.

Anyway, this past weekend was a frickin’ nightmare! Don’t know if you remember, but it was in the 30s and rainy Friday and Saturday, and we did twelve hour days outside on each, Friday at the Morton Arboretum and Saturday at Horizon Horse Farm out west of Barrington. It was like a M*A*S*H winter in Korea, only worse, because Hank and I had to ride around all day on a tandem bicycle wearing summery Indian attire. We did get the shots, though, and damn if they aren’t comedic brilliance. Snap, Kunal! There will be a screening of the finished product around the first weekend of June for all who wish to attend.

For the last couple months I’ve been involved in a project called “Covenant Coffee”, and the brain-child of my friend Bryan Cohen. It’s a web-series that takes place in a coffee shop and examines the twenty-something culture against the backdrop of big corporation values. A staff of writers is well into writing the 16-episode season, production people are in place for when we’re funded, and we’re almost done with the documentation we need to start soliciting investors. Industry people we’ve talked to say it’s got legs. I’ll soon be helping make pitches to venture capitalists as well as mom-and-pop investors; “angels” people call them.

If you can’t audition for big parts, help develop them, I say – when we get funded, I’ll play the honorary thirty-something in the cast, the manager who can’t figure out how he ended up managing a coffee shop instead of doing what he wanted to do with his life.
Also, I’m helping develop a script with my friend from Assignment 47 last Fall, Josh Guffey. It’s about an insurance salesman whose moral compass flares up, like sciatica or something, and he needs to figure out if he’s going to continue down the path he’s on, or come to Jesus, in a manner of speaking. We’re pretty excited about the character and a plot is really taking shape. We dig that it’s pretty relevant in today’s political and corporate climate, where, daily, profit trumps decency and we call it what Jesus would do (oops, a jab at the right just slipped out). We’ll produce it ourselves and I’m going to play the lead. More as the story develops.

Beyond all that, I’m just painting a house in the ‘burbs and going to auditions and class. I’m studying at iO Chicago and am now near the end of Level 4. It’s tons of fun and I’d recommend it to anyone who wants training or who just wants to have a good time.

Hope this finds you all well!

Jake

PS – I’m tucking this down here, so those of you who only read the first paragraph of my emails won’t see it. So, OK, I was on the set of a Flashpoint student film where I play the love interest of the female lead. And on a two-day shoot, I blew out the ass of not one, but, count ‘em, two pairs of dress pants, and not because of my formidable junk. Ahem. Over the last couple months, since my Christmas-cookie winter and the hungry season of my discontent, my pants have been warning me that this might happen, and two weeks ago, it did. Twice.

The first blowout occurred early, three shots into the first day, in front of the entire cast and crew. I bent over to move a marker on the floor, and… Lights, Camera, Action - RRRRRIP, there they went. Hilarity ensued and spawned a line of dialogue that became the theme of this shoot for me - I felt the need to sneak it in on the end of several takes. This line will litter the cutting room floor or, if sense of humor prevails, it’ll color the outtakes reel. Those of you who were there know what I’m talking about. I can’t put the line here, unfortunately, as my mother will probably read this whole damn email. Sorry. If a clip gets posted on YouTube, I’ll pass it on, for sure.

The second rip happened as I was packing up to leave after my final day of shooting. Thankfully, I was alone and I had a pair of husky jeans handy to change into before I said my good-byes and left. To those of you who were there and didn’t know this second rip took place, my humiliation is now complete. Feel free to share it with everyone else.

In any case, since two weeks ago, I’ve been on a diet of sorts. I gave up soda and sweets and have been vomiting after every meal. Kidding. About the vomiting, that is. No sugar has made me a little crazy. Before giving it up, I walked around all Zen-master-with-the-crazy-kung-fu, like the son of Buddha or something, but damn, if I’m not so ridiculously addicted the stuff that when it’s gone, I turn into Chicken Little. I walk around all day feeling like something’s wrong.

So… the sky is falling, but I’ve lost twelve pounds. Another few and I’ll be down to my regular fighting weight and I’ll be able to fit into my superfly ass jeans again. Just in time for summer. Yeah, summer is almost here!!!