#11 - The Dark Cloud of Suck meets The New Face of Cactus

In the buffet of life lately, I've been relegated to the excrement aisle.

Crap sandwich, please, dookie relish on the side, oh, and ass cakes for desert. In a two day period, my car took a dump, my computer totally croaked and I completely blew two auditions and part of a third. Oh, you're losing perspective, Jake, don't be so dramatic. Hmm. OK, if you expand the scope from two days to four, I also found out at the dentist that I need an $1100-crown on a molar which is decaying around an old filling.

At the same time, I won $150 from a Megamillions ticket I bought and, also, I booked some on-camera work pimping tequila on the web which'll pay one-and-a-half month's worth of rent. Oh, something wonderful, you might say! Hmm. A crap sandwich is still a crap sandwich, even with a little ketchup. The presence of these two happy occurences amid the aforementioned crappy ones begs the question...

What would have happened if I landed the lead in Scorsese's next great film? Or if I'd won the $100-million jackpot? Because in looking at the last week of my life, it seems like I have to pay for every bit of good fortune by eating twice it's equivalent in dung. I mean what, would everyone I know and love mysteriously die in a series of freak flip-flop accidents? Would the american economy tank to the point that my dollar bills aren't worth their weight in horse puckey? Wait, nevermind, that last one's already happening. Anyway, you get my drift.

Crikey.